Malvika Iyer's amazing story of grit

Malvika Iyer , the essence of courage and optimism.

The incidents in the life  of Malvika Iyer is a real life story of a young girl with determination to come up in her life .Her  inspirational and motivational life story is guiding beacon to thousands of handicapped persons like her.

A bilateral amputee from a freak bomb blast in 2002, Malvika Iyer is :

• A Junior Research Fellow at Madras School of Social Work.
• Global Shaper (An initiative of the World Economic Forum)
• Speaker at TEDxYouth@Chennai 2013, MMA Women Managers' Convention 2014
• Master of Ceremonies (MC) at India Inclusion Summit, 2013 at Ritz Carlton, Bangalore, GFK Run 2014
• State topper in class 10th in 2004
• Invited to meet with Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam in Rashtrapati Bhavan
• Recipient of 'Outstanding Model Student' from Wisdom International Magazine
• Recipient of 'Rolling Cup' for the 'Best M.Phil. Thesis' in 2012
• Awarded certificates, cash prizes and medals for meritorious performance by Sri Sivakumar Educational & Charitable Trust, the DMK President- M. Karunanidhi, the Congress President Mrs. Sonia Gandhi, Rajya Sabha MP- Mrs. Renuka Chowdhury, the Chief Minister of Kerala- Mr. Oommen Chandy, Astrologer- SAP Varadhan, the Chairman and Director of Art Heritage Gallery- Mr. E. Alkazi, Rotary Club, Punjab Association
• Worked with differently abled children at the Centre for Child and Adolescent Well Being, Delhi
• Undertook research projects in PEHEL, Schizophrenia Research Foundation (SCRAF)
• Model for accessible clothing in India (An initiative of Ability Foundation- NIFT)
• Alumnus of St. Stephen's College, Delhi and Delhi School of Social Work

When Malvika was 13 years old, a freak accident caused her to lose both her hands and severely damaged her legs, raising serious doubts about whether she would ever walk again.

But young Malvika braved the odds and emerged victorious. Today she is a dedicated social worker, a motivational speaker and model for accessible clothing in India.

Malvika is also a Global Shaper from the Chennai Hub, which is a part of the Global Shapers Community, an initiative of the World Economic Forum.

She gives a first person account of her ordeal and how she overcame it to            S Saraswathi.

Let us hear Malvika Iyer in her own words:

I was born in Kumbakonam. My father was transferred to Rajasthan when I was still very young. I spent nearly 13 years of my early life in Bikaner, Rajasthan.

I had a very healthy and a happy childhood. I was a tomboy; I enjoyed outdoor sports and learnt swimming and skating. I also learnt Kathak for about seven years.

It was a fun-filled life till the day I met with the accident: May 26, 2002. I was 13 years old.

The accident:

Some months before the accident, an ammunition depot had caught fire in the city and hand shells, grenades and other bits and pieces were scattered all over the city. One such piece landed in our neighbourhood.

We were told that it was a diffused shell. I was trying to stick something on my jeans pocket, and I wanted something heavy to hammer it with. I just took this shell and hit it.

With the first hit, the shell exploded in my hand.

There was almost nothing left of my hands. Both my legs had severe injuries, nerve damage and multiple fractures.

It took nearly two years and several surgeries for me to walk again.

Bedridden for two years:

For the first three days after the explosion, I was totally conscious, aware of each and every thing happening around me, but my body was numb.

Within moments of the explosion I heard my mom screaming, "Meri bachhi ke haath chale gaye!"

I was taken to the hospital immediately. There was so much damage to my limbs that my body went into a state of shock. I could not feel anything as the four main nerves were instantly cut. There was 80 per cent blood loss.

When I reached the hospital there was zero BP, the doctors were not sure if I would survive.

Even in that state I remember apologising to my mom, telling her that I am sorry I put her through this. Then I said I wanted to meet this friend of mine. It was so strange. I gave the contact number of my friend and told my parents to call her. I was terrified; would this really be the last time I was going to see these people?

The doctors were not sure that they would be able to save my leg, especially the left one. It was dangling, just hanging from a small bit of skin. They wanted to amputate it, but my parents did not want to risk any more damage. They took me in an ambulance to Jaipur.

The splinters were stuck all over my legs and had penetrated deep within. The pain began to sink in and it was terrible. I can remember those days and nights filled with pain.

But the doctors were good and managed to save my leg. Though completely disfigured, with no sensation in my left leg and a foot drop (difficulty in lifting the front part of the foot) in the right, I am lucky I still have them.

My hands, though, were completely cut off. There was no need to amputate them because they had been blown off; they couldn't even find any trace of them at the accident site.

Later a skin grafting operation was done and with that I am left with just two stumps. Fortunately, the stumps, especially the right one, were quite long, so I was able to lift them like how a squirrel does.

I was treated at a Bone and Joint clinic in Anna Nagar in Chennai. After months of intense therapy, I was finally able to walk.

My accident happened in May 2002. I took my first few painful steps in November 2003.I still had a long way to go.

Getting on with life:

We started enquiring about artificial hands. There was not much awareness about this, so my mom and I used to Google. We found a German prosthetics company called Ottobock that had a branch in Chennai.

That is how I got a pair of bio-electric hands.

I started practising to write; initially my handwriting was very big, and then slowly, with practise, I improved.

This was in December 2003. In four months my friends would be appearing for their 10th board exams. I felt totally left out.

I was in touch with a very close friend in Bikaner. She used to tell me how they were preparing. I decided that I would give it a shot. My mom found this coaching centre right behind our street.

I had just three months to prepare. All my childhood, I have been into sports and dancing and skating, and now I could do nothing but sit and walk a bit. As I had no other choice, I think all my concentration went into academics.

I prepared and prepared and when the results came, my life was completely changed.

I got a State rank among the private candidates, and I was one among the State toppers, as well. I scored centum in both Math and Science and 97 in Hindi, also a State first.

I felt like a celebrity. The next day, all the leading newspapers covered me.

They wrote about how I overcame my disability to achieve this distinction. It was all very encouraging.

I was invited to Rashtrapati Bhavan to meet Dr APJ Abdul Kalam (then President of India).

  Malvika Iyer with former Indian President Dr APJ Abdul Kalam

I got to meet a lot of other celebrities. I was given an award for outstanding model student by Wisdom magazine.

After 12th, I joined St Stephen's College, Delhi, where I graduated in Economics (Honours).

I then did my Master's in Social Work from the Delhi School of Social Work.

During my field training, I had the opportunity to work with differently-abled children. I realised that this is something I have to be a part of. I could empathise with them and understand them better. Since I was always given a lot of encouragement, I wanted to give something back.

A new beginning

Last year, I was invited for a TEDx Talk(In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. ) and that talk completely changed the course of my life.

Until then I was just doing my work and trying to be a part of society. But that wasn't helping me much and I would still feel bad that everybody else is normal and I am not.

But when I started talking about myself, I realised that I was actually much better off than a lot of people, who would complain even without any problem in their life.

I was seen as a motivational speaker. Now I get invited to talk at colleges and schools or to corporates in Chennai and other cities.

Last year, I was invited to host the India Inclusion Summit in Bangalore. I was the emcee and had the opportunity to meet a lot of differently-abled people.

Malvika speaking at India Inclusion Summit

There were people who had actually achieved something or who were in the process of recovering and coming out of it. It was a great honour to be able to host such a programme.

This helped me realise that I have to accept my disability. It is not like I am ever going to get my hands back.

The people around me made this possible -- my friends, my family, and my mom especially. She was my support throughout. She was like my shadow. She made sure that nobody hurt me in any way. It is her positive spirit that has made me who I am today.

She has given me a lot of freedom; she never treated me differently at all. There was never any show of pity.

Presently, I am Junior Research Fellow doing my PhD in Social Work at the Madras School of Social Work. I am studying the experience of inclusion; how differently-abled people feel in society and what is society's attitude towards them.

Initially, I used to feel bad when people stared at me. It made me very uncomfortable, but now it does not matter. I know who I am. I have become more strong-hearted, what they feel or how they see me does not affect me any more.

Apart from this, I have been passionately working on everything outside. Recently I did a ramp walk at NIFT (National Institute of Fashion Technology), Chennai.

I am a model for accessible clothing(Clothing designed for persons with disabilities, to allow more independence in dressing. Its use is intended for those who have difficulty dressing, as well as for those with special clothing needs.); it is an initiative of Ability Foundation and NIFT.

Malvika Iyer on the ramp at NIFT

The students designed two gowns for me, taking into considering my prosthetic hand. I was the showstopper for that evening and it was an amazing experience. Ever since then I have been writing about accessible clothing.

When I was in the hospital bed 12 years ago, I thought that I could never come out of this. Now I can see that there is so much more to do. I think life is really, really good.

I was invited to host a Run in Bangalore recently.

Malvika hosting the GFKRun 2014 at Bangalore 

I went all by myself. I handled everything, from the airport, all the travelling, the stay in the hotel, etc. Today I can do 90 per cent of my work on my own, without any assistance.

When I think about how my life has turned out to be, I think it is fine, whatever happened.

I would not have wanted to live a mediocre life. I have always been scared of mediocrity and I am not sure how my life would have turned out if it were not for this accident.

I feel I am blessed because I know that something very horrible happened and even now it is not like I am 100 per cent all right. I can't just run around and do everything on my own. My legs still hurt when I walk.

But a lot of good has come my way.

I am confident I can do something meaningful with this life. I don't have any regrets.

Dancing was my first love. I used to be sad that I could not dance like before. But now I have started dancing again. I cannot dance as gracefully as before, but I still dance.

At the Bangalore Run, I danced on the stage. I think life is all about making the best with what you have.

I got engaged in February this year to a wonderful man, a design engineer, and there is a lot to look forward to in life rather than just sitting around thinking of what could have been.

"I learnt to embrace every inch, every scar and every emotion."

Source:http://www.rediff.com/getahead/report/achievers-malvika-iyers-amazing-story-of-grit/20140917.htm

http://about.me/malvika.iyer

Note: I thank Ms.Malvika Iyer for giving permission to post this heart touching and inspiring article about her in my blog.

Steps for Dealing With Negativity

You may be in daily interaction with negative people, be they friends, family members, a romantic partner or colleague. You love them, you care about them, you can't just cut them out of your life, but they are negative and their negativity is eating away at you. What can you do?

The best way of dealing with life's challenges is to take a good look at ourselves and take responsibility for what we think, feel and do.

Never give your power away by blaming others for what you have or don't have, what you feel or don't feel. Once you do so, you'll become a victim of circumstance, and instead of using your time and energy to beat life's challenges, you'll sink to a dark and miserable place. 

Here are 9 smart, positive and effective ways of dealing with the negativity of the people close to you:

1. Give up the need to complain.

Make sure you are taking responsibility for your feelings and mood. Don't go complaining that other people's negativity is affecting you, because it will only create more negativity. Take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings and see what you can do to make yourselves feel better and change the existing situation.

"Whoever has limited knowledge of human nature and seeks happiness by changing everything but his own attitude, will waste his life in futile efforts."Samuel Johnson. 

2. Similarity Attracts

Good brings about good, bad brings about bad, and if we want to or not, we pull into our lives events, situations and people that reflect our internal state. Ask yourselves: "How am I feeling? Am I happy, excited, thankful and calm? Or am I anxious, frustrated and judgmental?"

You may find that you yourselves radiate misery to the environment and that part of the negative energy surrounding you is in fact a reflection of yourselves.

3. Don't believe everything you think.

This is definitely one of the hardest things to learn. Look closely at the negative people in your life. What is it about them that gets you going? That affects you so much? Is what they are doing really that bad or is your brain playing games with you?

Remember, the brain is configured to look for trouble, and one it focuses on someone's negative qualities, it'll be very hard to get it to see the positive side of things. It doesn't mean it's not there.

4. Focus.

Ask yourselves: "Am I ready to find the good in these people? Am I able to see their good qualities?"

Let the answers come naturally, make sure you are being honest with yourselves.

If you feel like you're insistent and won't change the way you are looking at people and situations, don't give yourselves a hard time. This takes time and patience, and when you are ready, you'll make this step. Remember, we all have good in us.

"It's so hard when I NEED to do it and so easy when I WANT to do it."
Annie Gottlier.

5. Don't make their problems YOUR problems.

For their sake and yours, make sure you are not adopting their problems and becoming negative about them yourselves. If you want to cure negativity, sliding down right along with the negative person won't help, just make it worse by validating their thought and behavioral patterns. Rather, focus on solutions, not problems. Offer that and nothing else.

6. Taking ownership.

Instead of being a victim and judge, blame and pass criticism, you need to take full responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, and take a different approach.

"Everything that annoys us in others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves." 
Carl Jung.

Don't waste your time obsessing and thinking: "They are ruining my energy, making me miserable, their negative energy is infecting my own..." Instead, say to yourselves: "How can I use this for my advantage? Is there something I'm doing wrong? How can I improve the situation and increase my positive energy to be stronger than their negative energy? What do I learn from all of this?"

7. Come with your own positive energy.

Focusing on negative energy cannot create positive energy, and the other way around is also true. Focus on making yourselves happy enough that you have great positive energy, and you will see the negativity cringing away from it. 

Remember, energy is contagious. 

How to put up positive energy? Focus on the things you like about the negative people, focus on things you love about yourselves, life and the world around you. Think of loved ones, of things that make you happy. That way, you will increase the positive energy exponentially.

If you incur negative energy by thinking about bad things, the opposite is also true, and you'll be able to hopefully 'wake up' your fellow workers. You can't focus on them both at the same time, so choose - happiness or misery.

8. Be part of the change you'd like to see.

The world is no more than a reflection of who we are, deep inside. 

Try to go for a feeling of well-being, to live a positive life, a merry life, that has love, trust, and the pursuit of happiness...

We cannot change others, but only ourselves. This is the only way to change the world. 

Think of it this way: When you are happy, the world seems happy, and the sky is open and blue. When you are sad, the world seems sad as well, and the sky is grey and uncaring, leaving you alone to deal with your pain.

Flow with life events, don't resist them, live in harmony and be the change you wish to see in the world.

"Never underestimate your power to change yourself. Never overestimate your power to change others." - Wayne W. Dyer.

9. Awareness and acceptance

Work on understanding life's inevitable duality - accept the negative with the good.

Don't harp on people's negativity, don't judge or fight them. Let them be, look and accept. Remember, your world is no more real than a reflection of who you are, deep inside.

"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of others." |
Carl Jung.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it." 

Tips for Long and Happy Life

Dr. Shigeaki Hinohara, Japan, turned 101 last year. As a 97 year old Doctor, he was interviewed, and gave his advice for a long and healthy life.

Shigeaki Hinohara is one of the world's longest-serving physicians and educators. Hinohara's magic touch is legendary: Since 1941 he has been healing patients at St. Luke's International Hospital in Tokyo and teaching at St. Luke's College of Nursing.

He has published around 15 books since his 75th birthday, including one "Living Long, Living Good" that has sold more than 1.2 million copies. As the founder of the New Elderly Movement, Hinohara encourages others to live a long and happy life, a quest in which no role model is better than the doctor himself.

Doctor Shigeaki Hinohara's main points for a long and happy life: 

* Energy comes from feeling good, not from eating well or sleeping a lot. We all remember how as children, when we were having fun, we often forgot to eat or sleep. I believe that we can keep that attitude as adults, too. It's best not to tire the body with too many rules such as lunchtime and bedtime.

* All people who live long regardless of nationality, race or gender share one thing in common: None are overweight. For breakfast I drink coffee, a glass of milk and some orange juice with a tablespoon of olive oil in it. Olive oil is great for the arteries and keeps my skin healthy. Lunch is milk and a few cookies, or nothing when I am too busy to eat. I never get hungry because I focus on my work. Dinner is veggies, a bit of fish and rice, and, twice a week, 100 grams of lean meat.

* Always plan ahead. My schedule book is already full until 2014, with lectures and my usual hospital work. In 2016 I'll have some fun, though: I plan to attend the Tokyo Olympics!

* There is no need to ever retire, but if one must, it should be a lot later than 65. The current retirement age was set at 65 half a century ago, when the average life-expectancy in Japan was 68 years and only 125 Japanese were over 100 years old. Today, Japanese women live to be around 86 and men 80, and we have 36,000 centenarians in our country. In 20 years we will have about 50,000 people over the age of 100...

* Share what you know. I give 150 lectures a year, some for 100 elementary-school children, others for 4,500 business people. I usually speak for 60 to 90 minutes, standing, to stay strong.

* When a doctor recommends you take a test or have some surgery, ask whether the doctor would suggest that his or her spouse or children go through such a procedure. Contrary to popular belief, doctors can't cure everyone. So why cause unnecessary pain with surgery I think music and animal therapy can help more than most doctors imagine.

* To stay healthy, always take the stairs and carry your own stuff. I take two stairs at a time, to get my muscles moving.

* My inspiration is Robert Browning's poem "Abt Vogler." My father used to read it to me. It encourages us to make big art, not small scribbles. It says to try to draw a circle so huge that there is no way we can finish it while we are alive. All we see is an arch; the rest is beyond our vision but it is there in the distance.

* Pain is mysterious, and having fun is the best way to forget it. If a child has a toothache, and you start playing a game together, he or she immediately forgets the pain. Hospitals must cater to the basic need of patients: We all want to have fun. At St. Luke's we have music and animal therapies, and art classes.

* Don't be crazy about amassing material things. Remember: You don't know when your number is up, and you can't take it with you to the next place.

* Hospitals must be designed and prepared for major disasters, and they must accept every patient who appears at their doors. We designed St. Luke's so we can operate anywhere: in the basement, in the corridors, in the chapel. Most people thought I was crazy to prepare for a catastrophe, but on March 20, 1995, I was unfortunately proven right when members of the Aum Shinrikyu religious cult launched a terrorist attack in the Tokyo subway. We accepted 740 victims and in two hours figured out that it was sarin gas that had hit them. Sadly we lost one person, but we saved 739 lives.

* Science alone can't cure or help people. Science lumps us all together, but illness is individual. Each person is unique, and diseases are connected to their hearts. To know the illness and help people, we need liberal and visual arts, not just medical ones.

* Life is filled with incidents. On March 31, 1970, when I was 59 years old, I boarded the Yodogo, a flight from Tokyo to Fukuoka. It was a beautiful sunny morning, and as Mount Fuji came into sight, the plane was hijacked by the Japanese Communist League-Red Army Faction. I spent the next four days handcuffed to my seat in 40-degree heat. As a doctor, I looked at it all as an experiment and was amazed at how the body slowed down in a crisis.

* Find a role model and aim to achieve even more than they could ever do. My father went to the United States in 1900 to study at Duke University in North Carolina. He was a pioneer and one of my heroes. Later I found a few more life guides, and when I am stuck, I ask myself how they would deal with the problem.

* It's wonderful to live long. Until one is 60 years old, it is easy to work for one's family and to achieve one's goals. But in our later years, we should strive to contribute to society. Since the age of 65, I have worked as a volunteer. I still put in 18 hours seven days a week and love every minute of it.