Is Settling in USA worth it for Indians?

With so many Indians taking up jobs in USA and settling there to enjoy better life, we can see in any major Airport in India not less than 100 persons travelling to USA daily. We can see both younger persons who are going to study or to take up a new job in USA or returning after a brief vacation in India and also senior citizens who are travelling to the country for a brief stay with their wards.

But how many of us know if all the persons who have moved to USA and settled there with Green cards are living happily or regretting their decision of settling there.  Here is an interesting article by Mr. Venkat Ankam( Lives in Fairfax VA)  posted  QUORA Q & A

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Let me portray the typical life cycle of Indians in the USA with their living conditions and then I will let you decide whether settling in the USA is worth or not.

As an Indian immigrant in the USA, I have been asking myself this question for a quite long time. The reality is 95% of the Indian immigrants are settling in the US and only 5% of the immigrants are going back to India. I wondered if the “Major chunk(95%) of people settling in the US are making a wise decision or the small chunk(5%) of people going back are making a bad decision?” So I asked this question to my friends and colleagues from the 95% category but I could not get any subtle or profound answers. It looked like people are just following the crowd or falling into the trap, and not be able to go back later in life. So I did my own research asking specific set of survey questions to different age people. So let me share my findings.

First of all, why do Indians migrate to the US? One single answer for this question is scope for higher income, savings, low stress and a happy life without any common issues we experience in India. Now let's see how these objectives are met during the life cycle of these Indian immigrants. Let me use the word NRI to describe them better.

My survey was limited to NRIs in the field of science and technology who are mostly in working class and also to a few business class NRIs as well. I took ratings on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 is low and 10 is high) for earnings, savings, stress levels, family relationships and happiness from different age categories with their typical activities in their life cycle. I realized that not every NRI in the US opens up because of ‘private space’ concept. So I chose people I have good relationship with and who are really open and can share feelings of their life. The Survey was conducted with a casual talk/discussion rather than a professional way of conducting surveys.

Based on the survey results and experiences shared by participants, I categorized the life cycle of immigrants into four different generic phases (Transform, Settle, Growth and Suffer) as shown in the graph below. Every person’s life is different so the depicted life cycle or living conditions may not apply to every NRI. It may vary for few people and life events may overlap between phases. This might be totally different for the new NRIs coming to the US because of longer green card wait time and ever changing immigration policies.

Now let me describe these phases with typical life events.

Transform Phase (21 to 28 years): 

This an excitement phase which starts right from India after getting the US visa. One tries to get to know the culture of the US, what to do before and after entering the US and starts living the American Dream. Parents feel proud of this great achievement by their kids and start making big expectations and hopes. Starts sharing this news to neighbors and relatives and throw a big party as if their kid already succeeded in life. Arrives in the US without the awareness that he/she broke generations of living together and unity in their families. Typically nobody think or care about how life will be in the US after 40s, 50s or 60s in this stage. One gets really amazed with the best infrastructure of America and starts loving it. Gets used to American life style with few hiccups. Starts making some money and will have parties, shopping, vacation trips and realizes that life is very comfortable in the US. Transfers money to India to support family and talks to relatives and friends and shares the greatness of America. Parents will start looking for a bride/groom. Starts green card process to continue living in American dream.

NRIs are very happy in this phase with lots of excitement and joy that American life brings in.

Settle Phase (28 to 40 years): 

After a couple of trips to India, gets married and spouse arrives in the US. Couple is very happy in the beginning with vacation trips and parties. Realizes that expenses are higher than living as a bachelor. First baby arrives and parents and in-laws visit America. Advances in green card process, switches jobs and moves to new locations. Second baby arrives and then visits India with kids. Realizes that their parents are not quite happy staying alone in India. Also realizes that India has changed a lot and quite expensive than ever. Thinks that they may not be able to fit in India and also India is not a right fit for the kids. NRIs usually decides to go on the path of settling down in the US with a backup plan of going back. Buys Town Home/Condo and switches to luxury cars. Realizes that single income is not really sustainable in the US. Wife decides to do a job instead of getting bored at home. So Income doubles, savings doubles but stress levels go up.. Green card arrives and they feel relaxed of immigration issues. Vacation trips becomes hard with little kids so no big vacations.

Happiness level comes down due to missing family relationships and not able to take care of ageing parents.

Growth Phase (40 to 50 years): 

Moves on career ladder and starts making big bucks and also start making big bucks from secondary sources of income like stocks. Some might start a startup company or any business. Usually pretty busy with kids school and extra curricular activities. Buys a single family home and moves to a bigger home. Kids are grown up now so vacations are back. Parents are not able to visit because they don’t like to stay in the US. Also parent’s health will become a big concern. Makes few arrangements for parents in India but they are always temporary. Few realize that their friends in India have made more money in India than them. Realizes that they need to focus more on health aspects so starts some physical activities to keep their body fit.

Higher income, higher savings and most successful phase (professionally) for most people but happiness level further comes down because of lack of relationships.

Suffer Phase (Above 50 years): 

Kids usually finish their high school and go to a college.. All savings will vanish in kids college education. Kids finish their education and start their job at a different place in the US. The couple is alone at big home away from parents and away from kids. They cannot think of going back because of kids and setting up everything from scratch in India would be a daunting task. Whenever they visit India they clearly see that family relationships are faded away because of settling in US. Most people thought that early in growth phase would have been an ideal situation to go back to India before kids enters middle school with a mind set of going back in settle phase.

Most people expressed that “We got everything we wanted in life, but we lost all relationships”. Some people expressed concern like “I wish I knew the downsides or effects of immigration later in the life”.

Starts indulging deeply in social and charity activities to keep them busy and also for social recognition. Usually takes up American citizenship in this phase while some takes up in growth phase only.

Works until 65 years of age to pay off mortgage and retires at the age of 65. After 65 years they start getting social security and healthcare benefits from government. But they continue to work in some retirement jobs to keep them busy or to earn some extra income for unknown expenses.

Just to summarize, life is happy in the beginning but happiness tends to fade away and brings suffering to life after 50s. Materialistic culture of America makes you a successful person professionally and materialistically, but deserts your life. 

One interesting observation during this study — most of the people who immigrated to America had no plans to settle in the US and most of the settled ones said, “We are not sure we might go back”.

Every NRI looks like a happy person from outside but everyone has a dark side story to tell from inside of their heart.

Life in the US rotates around profession, immigration process and kids. NRIs tend to “sacrifice their life for kids of next generation.” Kids seems to be happy with no complaints about life as they are in young age; the second generation, Indian-Americans, will have friends but might not have family relationships too? So they might end up in the same boat after 50 years age? Needs further research…

Thanks to my friends, colleagues and elders from community who humbly shared their deep thoughts from life for this small write-up and also helping me to make a strong decision to go back to India.

Hope this helps. Everybody’s requirements are different. So just a make a firm decision to settle here or to go back based on your own requirements and priorities, not based on what other NRIs are doing.

People who expressed negative sentiment are still in transform phase in US or few youngsters in India (Probably with American dream)

Interestingly this was found to be true for other immigrants/expats too, not just Indians.

Most of them expressed a feeling that this is a problem for the first generation of immigrants. Later generations will not have such problems. Need to research this further.

Many people who expressed positive sentiment felt that situation might be similar in India as well. Need to research more in this area. 

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Courtesy: Mr. Venkat Ankam( Lives in Fairfax VA)  posted  QUORA Q & A

Things Happy People Do Differently

There are two types of people in the world: those who choose to be happy, and those who choose to be unhappy. Contrary to popular belief, happiness doesn't come from fame, fortune, other people, or material possessions. Rather it comes from within.

The richest person in the world could be miserable while a homeless person could be right outside, smiling and content with their life. Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy. They maintain a positive outlook on life and remain at peace with themselves.

The question is: how do they do that?

Its quite simple. Happy people have good habits that enhance their lives. They do things differently. Ask any happy person, and they will tell you that they

  

1. Don't hold grudges.

Happy people understand that its better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your well being, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, youll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life. 2. Treat everyone with kindness. Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships. 3. See problems as challenges. The word problem is never part of a happy persons vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge. 4. Express gratitude for what they already have. There is a popular saying that goes something like this: The happiest people don't have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you dont have. 5. Dream big. People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don't. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state. 6. Don't sweat the small stuff. Happy people ask themselves, Will this problem matter a year from now?They understand that lifes too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life. 7. Speak well of others. Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts. 8. Never make excuses. Benjamin Franklin once said, He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. Happy people don't make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better. 9. Get absorbed into the present. Happy people don't dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they aree doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses. 10. Wake up at the same time every morning.Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state. 11. Avoid social comparison. Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you are better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You'll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs. 12. Choose friends wisely. Misery loves company. That is why its important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself. 13. Never seek approval from others. Happy people dont care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that its impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone's approval but your own. 14. Take the time to listen. Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others wisdom and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel. 15. Nurture social relationships. A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other. 16. Meditate. Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You dont have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves. 17. Eat well. Junk food makes you sluggish, and its difficult to be happy when you are in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body's ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape. 18. Exercise. Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment. 19. Live minimally. Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items. 20. Tell the truth. Lying stresses you out, corrodes your self-esteem, and makes you unlikable  The truth will set you free. Being honest improves your mental health and builds others trust in you. Always be truthful, and never apologize for it. 21. Establish personal control. Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They dont let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of ones own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth. 22. Accept what cannot be changed. Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you'll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

Inner Wealth

Have you heard about rich people who are not happy at times?

Do you know about those people who have a very good job, they are earning well but complaining that they are not happy?

Who is a wealthy person? Do you think that a person is wealthy when he or she has lots and lots of money?

There is more to wealth than money only.

We all are wealthy in one way or the other. Really Believe me!

Because there are seven types of wealth:

1. Inner wealth:

Having a positive mental attitude is a type of wealth. Positive people with positive outlook of the world can be happy – Always.

Try this: Have a positive mental attitude and try to be sad at the same time. I don’t think its possible. With positive attitude, life appears to be positive. Inner wealth really helps.

2. Physical wealth:

Health is wealth! A person who is not healthy cannot enjoy life. If you want to learn importance of wealth, ask some one who is not feeling well.

3. Family wealth:

Do you have loving parents or a caring brother or sister or friends who can come to your help at any time you want? Family and friends are another form of wealth.

4. Career wealth:

When we reach at the top of our career, we feel a sense of fulfillment. This is another type of wealth.

5. Economic wealth:

Money is not the only important thing in life but it is one of the important things and hence, it is needed. Some one said: The more I have, the more I can give. So, earn more to give more.

6. Adventure wealth:

We feel happy when we visit new place or meet new exciting people. We feel happy when we are able to take a challenge and deliver more than expectation. Adventure is another form of wealth

7. Impact wealth:

What is our mission in life?

What is the impact we can make on our environment? Can we do some thing to improve life of people who need our support or help? Think about it. People who have impact around their environment show that they have impact wealth.

So, next time, think that you are wealthy when you have inner wealth. When you have a caring family or caring friends or when you are healthy or when you progress in your career you are wealthy! Think and thank!

10 Rules of Happy Marriage

10 Rules of Happy Marriage 1. Never both be angry at the same time. 2.Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. 3. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate. 4.If you must criticize, do it lovingly. 5. Never bring up mistakes of the past. 6. Neglect the whole world, rather than each other. 7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. 8. At least once every day say a kind or complementary word to your life partner. 9. When you have done something wrong, admit it and ask forgiveness. 10. Remember it takes two to make a quarrel. Advice from a couple who reached their 50th Anniversary and successfully made their marriage a promise for life